I should be happy that i have a big family - Everything was there for me since i was young, perhaps not in the material aspect of life but least i did not have to worry about the financial costs associated with rising tertiary education and beyond. It was always my dad who slogged through to make sure that his four "dinosaurs" ( affectionately referred to) were taken well of. Not having much education did not deter my dad from becoming what he is today. Instead it was his drive and determination which spurred him on and made him what he is today. I really respect him for that - Even if there were many times that i have disappointed him, be it in my studies or the way i do things; be it i was not happy with his way of teaching the kids; perhaps his harsh and overbearing tone whenever he speaks to me- To me he is still my dad. My one and only best dad in the whole wide world.

I know that i am lazy generally in nature, sometimes i just do not have the drive to push myself to do things in an enthusiastic fashion. Perhaps i have a bit of wit in me, but intelligence can only bring you so far. Diligence is still the most reliable ingredient to success. A fair bit of luck here and there definitely wont hurt but i figured that i cannot always use it as an excuse all the time. I really want to show him that his eldest son- Im not a piece of shit, that i can make it in this practical and sometimes cruel society, where only the smartest and fittest will survive. That he can be proud of me and my achievements one day before he departs this world.

I have not shed a tear since two years ago when i was heartbroken with my relationship problems. Thats so small and insignificant when i think of the love, dreams and hopes that my parents have in me. I have disappointed my mommy, dad but least i still get another chance to try again. To imagine them feeling sad and giving up on me just leaves me emotional and weeping uncontrollably. My dad is so old already and yet i have not shown him any proud achievement yet. Its still not too late for me to salvage my own predicament... The emotional anguish hurts far worse than the physical pain.

But being egoistic men, i just could not bring myself to hug my dad and admit my faults and ask for his forgiveness. I could only confide in her and perhaps one day, i will be able to finally tell him, straight in the face, make him feel proud of me. I hope that that day will not be too far away.

Always treasure what you have today for it may not be there with your tommorrow.

The angel has landed... i will love you.. Always and forever.